subway sound system (8/5/10)

Q-train at rush hour:  (rush hour interlude)

[happy robot:] Stand clear of the closing doors. (ding-dong)

[conductor:] LET GO THE DOORS! YOU'RE HOLDING UP THE TRAIN!

[stern robot:] Ladies-and-gentlemen, do NOT hold the doors when leaving the train...

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N-train in the 60th St. tube: The Deep Tunnel Sermon is a long string of boilerplate psa's used to entertain passengers during noisy high speed under-river crossings, etc.



[official robot:] Ladies-and-gentlemen, an important" rumble rumble "from the New York City" rumble rumble "Department. Keep your" rumble rumble "within sight at all times. Be alert, and...

[conductor:] NEXT STOP QUEENSBORO PLAZA. TRANSFER TO THE SEVEN.

...and thank you for riding M-T-A!

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information: (satirized, yet close in format to the many non-informative prerecorded advisories that the conductor may select from)

[advisory robot] Ladies-and-gentlemen, we are being delayed because a stegosaur is jammed in the tunnel. Please be patient while it is removed.

anti-terror can works both ways (7/29/10)

July 29, 2010 at 2:32am

In Sheepshead Bay, Brooklyn, NY, people hold a rally against a mosque proposed to be built in their neighborhood. Ugly attitudes are exposed. One guy at the microphone makes threats.

Then, late one night, three detectives show up in the neighborhood, and go door-to-door asking questions. They are not from the local precinct.

Soon thereafter, the guy who made the threats calls up a local newspaper and says he wasn't serious - says he made the threats because of "personal problems".

http://www.brooklynpaper.com/stories/33/28/bn_tt_mosquebomber_2010_07_09_bk.html

roller coaster on meth (7/18/10)

Aargh!! 

What's bigger than a cockroach, has a lot more legs, and runs around the floor like a roller coaster on meth? 

And why am I standing on this chair while I type?

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•  The delicate legs enable it to reach surprising speeds of up to 0.4 meters per second (1.3 ft/s)
•  "It may often be seen darting across floors with very great speed, occasionally stopping suddenly and remaining absolutely motionless, presently to resume its rapid movements." (1902, C. L. Marlatt, an entomologist)
• When the centipede is at rest, it is not easy to tell its front from its back.

(Wikipedia)

misspelled church sign (7/15/10)

ONLY GOO CAN KEEP A FAMILY TOGETHER reports Katherine Goldsby. 

Will the church notice the problem before she comes by with a camera on Monday?
 
Comments after her post:

- "I've always believed in goo."
- "I agree! Juci sticky loving goo keeps families together, despite all odds!"
- "In GOO we trust! Enjoy your summer day my sticky friends.
- "i love it... goo is always good... just like uck tape!

ethics vs. sociopathy (7/8/10)

One person's situational ethics is another person's sociopathy. 

Myself, I try to ask, "What would Cthulhu want me to do?"

darbuka woodpecker (7/3/10)

...last person out of Mendo: 

I thought I heard a darbuka - but it was a woodpecker.

beautiful toes (6/13/10)

yes i want beautiful toes - please send a six month supply